Numbness

It’s been quite a while since my last post. Work has been crazy on the last weeks and adding to that I’ve been attending to some courses after work, so free time has equaled zero for far too long, and I’m starting to feel it. But that’s not the point today.

Last time I even dared myself to writing a regular weakly post, but who am I kidding I don’t have that sort of discipline. So if there is actually someone that would care about that stuff (ha, yeah right ), sorry but it won’t happen. I’ll just keep on writing whatever I feel like writing whenever I feel like writing.

So, on this post I bring the most random of randomness.

In this past weeks, not only was I drowned in a ton of work, but there where also a couple of small (insignificant for some), events that made me think on allot of things. This happens to me from time to time, but I tend to avoid it since it tends to get me depressed. There is far too much stuff I rather not know or at least ignore. Fortunately it was not an option. Though I fear for the results, there are lessons in everything and those are the things that make us grow.

After completing my graduation and working for almost 2 years I wonder how I could have so little doubt 8 years ago. If I had even one tenth of the knowledge I gained in these years I would, certainly not be so sure of myself. Unfortunately it seems that reason is coming to me at a very slow pace. One can think that most of the choices made through the years where wrong, but nothing can be done about those. I like to think of mistakes as learning opportunities, but in some cases I wonder if it’s not too late. Like drugs, alcohol or tobacco, bad vices tend to feed themselves, even if they are not chemical in nature. What I mean with this, is that if you do something that will generate negative response, you can choose to embrace the error and use it to improve yourself or you can defend against it. Defending against it is the worst you can do, since it will, most likely generate other negative reactions, and it will turn into a never ending spiral. If left for too long contempt will take over, you will not think about it, and when you realize it, you’re stuck too deep.

How do you get out of something like that ? I wish I knew. A colleague of mine says that I’m good at the work I do, and I do like getting praised once in a while, but truth be told, I wouldn’t even think twice, if I was given the choice to trade whatever skill she thinks I have, with real meaning for life. Having true aims and ambitions, I wonder how that is like …

To finish, there is an answer I’m owing to someone. You are very good at dealing with people. You may not think so, but you did manage quite a feat, like I told you before. I would trade almost anything for half of that ability, but even though that’s not possible, I’m still grateful for having a glimpse of light cast upon my corner.

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